Thinking for Myself
Knowing is holding a concept that you don’t just have to accept by faith, because you have evidence or facts to back it up — either that, or there is just a knowing deep inside. Sometimes knowing is just having something deep inside that you know is true, but you don’t know why or how you know — you just do.
When I started thinking for myself and listening to that still small voice deep inside of my soul, that’s when things began to change, that’s when the blinders came off my eyes! That’s when the bubble that I was inside of burst and I began to see reality for the first time!
The Years of Mission Work
Despite all the dark years of my youth with religion and disillusion, I felt a great compulsion to give my whole life in dedication to the service of God. It seemed that all the roads to that goal were closed off to me, so all that was left was to pray — pray that God would show me the day that would be the beginning of what I called: “my life’s work”.
Then one day, a still small voice back then told me the very day it was to happen. Marking it on my calendar, I had no idea what it would be or where it would take me. Waiting and watching the days go by, until finally the day arrived that was marked on my calendar — the day of the discovery of my “life’s work”! It was a Sunday after church just like every other Sunday, but this was the day that I discovered my “life’s work”! It’s a long story and it’s way outside the scope of this writing, and I’m not going to get into all the details.
Suffice it to say that from that day forward began a mission that would last 20 years! A Christian missionary on foreign fields, preaching the gospel, 
winning souls and doing voluntary work, doing it all with my whole heart, following what my belief told me was for Jesus and others.
There wasn’t understanding of a lot of things, the only apparent thing was that it was God who sent me along this path and it was there I was going to stay — no matter what.
I studied and studied the Bible and much other related publications in order to educate myself as much as possible for the line of work I had found myself in.
After many years there came a point in my journey through life that some things just didn’t seem to be right — things that didn’t match up to what I’d studied in the Bible. It wasn’t me that was changing, but things around me were and it was affecting me. It was as though I had come to a cross road and something deep down inside was saying: “Change direction”.
For some time there was a resistance to the voice that said to take a new path, since the logic inside me was saying that this is the path God put me on and to stay on it no matter what. But as time went on it became more and more obvious that it was time to make a change.
Time to Make a Change
Still on the mission field that change eventually came. At first there was the feeling of being very lost and that required praying and searching for the direction to go. That went on for some years. During this time there was a lot of soul searching and reflection, the realization that a lot of things about what I had learned and believed over the years were completely wrong.
Have you ever heard the expression: “throw out the baby with the bathwater”? Everything went “out the window” and it was about “back to the basics”. It was about reading the Bible all over again in a different light, with my eyes wide open and ending up seeing everything from a different perspective.
Upon returning to the States after years on the mission field, visiting several different churches was in the itinerary. However, there was never one that really seemed like home. There were still the wounds from my youth that haunted me. All the pastors and psychologists could never help find the peace that was so longed for. Gradually the realization came to me that the problem wasn’t really with me, it was with Christianity.
Gradually the realization came to me that the problem wasn’t really with me, the problem was with Christianity
Everything experienced during my childhood and teen years were things that were caused by religion. These were things that left wounds in me and religion was only the germs that caused the open wounds to become infected all the more. Seeing that alone was the only way to find the solution to my own issues, the search began for researching deeper and deeper, uncovering the issues that were causing all the pain and darkness. The more falsehoods that I shook off, the more the light started coming through and gradually over time the pain subsided substantially.
Those questions just went up on a shelf for a later date.
These writings are some of the results of my research that lead me to change my mind about Christianity and the Bible. For the majority of my life things I was taught I just accepted at face value. Most things were never questioned and the unobtainable answers to those questions just went up on a shelf for a later date — and that:
“It’s not ours to question why, it’s ours just to do or die”. (that’s what I was told to do with all my unanswered questions — just don’t question)
But the time had come to take those questions down from that shelf and take a serious look — “doing or dying” weren’t options.
The time had come to take those questions down from that shelf and take a serious look.
Next: About Me